Burdens Halved

Continuing yesterday's post (see Friendly Sacrifices), I have used variations of Father Martin's tradition to introduce youth of middle school age to the idea of Lenten sacrifices. It is often quite difficult for these students to understand the concept of their own sin and the true consequences of their bad habits. When asked about these things, they tend to replay the messages they get from their parents, but without conviction. ("I guess I should get up earlier and get to the bus on time, but I'm just not a morning person.")

So how do you reach pre-teens and early teens? At this age, youth are forming their social identity, so it makes sense to enlist the dynamics of a group. But left to its own, the group can be mean and demanding, so care must be exercised that individuals and their unique behaviors not be singled out. One way that has worked well starts with a leader's brief introduction to the concepts and terms for those lacking any knowledge, followed by guided discussion, where those who know about Lent share their thoughts and past experiences. Brainstorming can then lead to a list of possible actions to adopt for Lent. Depending on the group, any of a number of ways leads to each person taking on an activity.

Having used this exercise for a number of years in an evening youth group, some results are worth mentioning. First, beyond the typical 'forego chocolate' and 'no candy' directives that are standard sacrifices from the adult world, and the 'no video games' type of punishment their parents may inflict, youth are much better at identifying sacrificial actions to take on vs. selfish tendencies to give up. So 'set the dinner table' and 'take the dog for a walk' are more likely than 'no makeup' to be listed. Even at this early age, this can be seen as self-justification - a small additional penitence gives permission to keep vain or selfish habits. But even without this dynamic, youth are often over-programmed and may overestimate their ability to take on more commitments.

In addition, some effort must be made to equalize the difficulty of the activities. Youth have a keen sense of fairness, especially if they feel they have been burdened more than another. By emphasizing the positive outcomes of Lenten sacrifices and by making participation explicitly voluntary (ultimately, we all choose our dedication to the sacrifices chosen), perceived inequality can be minimized.

Finally, in spite of best efforts to create positive outcomes, additional assistance will very likely be necessary. This ranges from ensuring that each person has at least some control over the activity assigned to enlisting the assistance of parents to monitor progress to providing an extra incentive for successful completion to periodic check-ins with forgiveness and encouragement provided as needed.

Done well, this exercise has been an effective tool for imparting the concepts of Lent to youth. From the 7th grader who works at odd jobs around the house to earn $1 a day for the charity of her choice, to the couch potato in training who cuts back to 1 hour per day of television, to the disconnected student who says something nice to a teacher each day, to the youth minister who gives up his iPod for 6 weeks, the people who have made a serious attempt and have shared their experiences have been supported and enriched by incorporating group participation. In this way, burdens shared become burdens halved.

May God provide you opportunities to share your burdens this Lent.